If being self-conscious is a concern with the way one is perceived by others, then a recent Sunday breakfast sets the perfect stage to showcase two disparate examples.
Lately, Sunday breakfast happens mid-morning after a casual, yet sweaty, 40-minute walk (it is summer in Florida after all). Participants are son, granddaughter, hubby and me. Post-walk and iced coffee we gather around the dining room table to enjoy what is typically the week’s only leisurely breakfast.
And, as we’ve learned, possibly our granddaughter’s favorite meal of the week. Clara is closing in on 2 years old and, as my mother-in-law used to say, “she is very fond of what she likes”. Basically, if she likes something, she gets REALLY excited about it. Clara is currently most fond of eggs, sausage and “berries”. That’s what she calls strawberries, but her fondness seems to extend to all berries.
Let’s Eat!
When breakfast is ready, Clara runs to the table and jumps up and down until someone hoists her up and secures her in her high chair. Then she musters all the patience she has to wait on whoever is cutting up her food and making sure it’s not burning hot. Once she gets the green light, it’s all hands on deck (and occasionally a fork or spoon sporting a teddy bear design).
The crumbs settle from round one. Clara is ready for round two, which is usually an impassioned request for another serving of her current favorite.
“More eggs! More eggs!”
“Clara, can you say more eggs please?”
“More eggs please! Thank you! Welcome!”
If the eggs don’t appear on her plate fast enough, she will repeat the request just to make sure we heard it and add in the ASL sign for the word “more”. You know, just in case.
She used to get more food in her bib than in her mouth, but her aim is much better these days. She still gets plenty of food on her face, however, and over the course of a meal, in her hair, down her shirt, even in the top flap of her diaper, depending on what’s she’s wearing and the deftness of the last diaper change.
Egg on Your Face
One thing I’ve noticed is that Clara doesn’t seem to mind that she has food stuck all over her face. I guess given her current dexterity, food on the face seems completely normal. I presume she can feel it, she just doesn’t care that it’s there. If we told Clara she had egg on her face, she wouldn’t feel foolish or embarrassed or worried that she looked ridiculous or did something wrong. Not self-conscious at all.
In Clara’s world, egg on her face is just a fact of life.
I, on the other hand, had a completely different experience with egg on my face. As I sat there enjoying my eggs (not quite as exuberantly as Clara), I noticed hubby staring at me, trying to catch my attention. He pointed to my chin. I reached up and found an errant bit of egg on my chin. I plucked it off (and ate it of course), felt self-conscious, but also felt a little foolish.
(Un)comfortably Numb
I didn’t feel the egg on my chin because I have an area with permanent loss of feeling due to nerve damage. In a safe setting like a family breakfast, it’s not a big deal. I mean, they’ve all seen me at my absolute worst, so a bit of egg is nothing to them. But it did make me wonder how many times I’ve been eating in public or with friends and had a bit of food on that same spot. I know it’s happened for sure because people have told me (thanks Kathy!). But I bet there are many more times when people felt awkward so they just let me keep chewing and talking with the bit of food du jour bouncing on my chin. Ugh!
Anyway, the experience made me think about the reasons Clara could be wearing a scrambled egg face mask and not care at all, while one little bit of egg on my chin made me feel like a big eggy dork. The first word that popped to mind was awareness. Clara was aware of the egg on her face (and hair, and ears, and hands). I mean, how could she NOT be. But I wasn’t aware of the egg on my chin. If I had been aware, I certainly would have removed it without being told.
Aware, Conscious, Self-Conscious
When a word comes to mind, I love to look it up and see if it means what I think it means. Aware means “having specified facts or feelings actively impressed on the mind”. Interestingly, the word conscious means exactly the same thing (according to Merriam-Webster).
So, we were both aware of the egg on our face, but I made it mean something Clara did not. When the egg on my face was pointed out to me, I became self-conscious not just regular old conscious. I was less concerned about the egg being there, and more concerned how I was being perceived by others. In this case, others were Clara (who could care less) and my hubby and son (who land somewhere between “care enough to point it out and not care enough to think it’s funny”).
Chin-Ups
Breakfast aside, this made me think about how I operated out in the real world. Interacting with others who don’t already love me or find me endearing enough to point out my egg or laugh about it with me. Is self-consciousness limiting me in any way?
When I think about it, I cover my physical chin or check it frequently so others don’t have to create my awareness for me. I wonder if I cover my figurative chin(s) in the same way? Hide or become hyper vigilant about any perceived flaw or weakness I have. The bit of egg on my chin is never the problem. For me, it’s the not knowing and having someone point it out to me.
What if I suddenly decided to live in a world where I could let my chin stick out there loud and proud? Not worried if there is anything there I am not aware of. Not dying inside if there IS something and someone points it out to me.
Here’s another radical thought. Just because someone points out the bit of egg on your chin, doesn’t mean you have to think differently about yourself and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to remove it. You can walk around all day long with egg on your face if you like. Ask Clara, she’ll tell you all about it.
The Price of Being Self-Conscious
Is self-consciousness causing you to shrink back or hide from showing up as your true authentic self? Maybe there is something you are hiding from yourself. Or maybe the thought of having someone else point out your flaws feels excruciating.
You CAN become more self-aware without becoming more self-conscious. It won’t stop you from getting egg on your face now and then. But you’ll learn how to stop making such a big deal about it and live your perfectly imperfect life.
Eggs and all.
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