When I was a kid my mom used a very effective behavior tactic on me. She would say, “Don’t think you’ll ever get away with anything. You’ll always be found out.” And darn if she wasn’t usually right!
I know a lot of parents probably use similar tactics on their kids, mostly out of frustration. I will admit, it was pretty effective. I wasn’t a model child, but I do think this gave me pause to NOT do something many times where there was a possibility of being caught. The problem with this type of thinking is I wasn’t just thinking about whether something was right or wrong. The overarching fear was that I would get caught. Found out.
As someone who may have a tendency to overthink things, this turned into a limiting belief that would follow me far into adulthood. What started out as a cautionary statement to keep a rambunctious little girl in line turned into a belief that I couldn’t get away with anything. Even if it wasn’t a big deal. Just something with the potential to get “caught”. One of my favorite sayings was, “100 of us do something, 99 get away and I’m always the one who gets in trouble.” It felt true and I had some anecdotal evidence, so it became MY reality.
It also became an escape hatch when I was afraid to step out and take a risk. We’ve gone far beyond moral or legal issues now. I played it safe at so many points in my life, fearing that others could take these risks, but it would never work out for me. I missed out on a lot of fun too. Afraid of being singled out for going where I wasn’t supposed to go or making some sort of faux pas. It was paralyzing really. But by not doing anything, not taking any risk, I was protecting myself from making a mistake, getting in trouble. Found out.
Turning that limiting belief around will take time, but it’s doable. It’s telling myself that getting found out is not the worst thing in the world. That taking a chance and stepping out in uncertainty is not only OK, it’s actually really good. That finding out for myself could be just what I need to stop feeling found.